War and violence destroys both things seen and unseen. Most of the times the unseen destruction never gets rebuilt. That task to rebuilding those things seem daunting. 

I've been following the news about the former president of Guatemala who has finally been indited for crimes against indigenous people of Guatemala.  After 30 years it will finally be said that he is guilty for the pain of thousands of people and partly responsible for perpetrating the hate and prejudice against indigenous of Guatemala.  As I write there is great pain in my heart as I remember the underlying prejudice I saw against people. I lived in Guatemala in the mid to late 90's during which Guatemala had signed peace. After years of civil war.  I did not know that Guatemala was at war is wasn't prevalent.  What was prevalent was the hate and prejudice and the fear and repercussions of such hate.   Hate is a parasite that survives under the surface of the fabric of societies.  Violence, ignorance, hateful words & attitudes are it's food. People calling other people "Indio!" as if it is bad thing to be an indigenous Guatemalan.  Similar to how people spew the word "Gay!" or "Immigrant" in the U.S.  I can't not say that was above such prejudice. I called my cousin an "indio" once. Repeating the word of which it's meaning was really unclear to me.  I was promptly corrected and taught not to say such a word to anyone!

As a third culture kid (child who is born in a culture different than his or her parents) I sometimes struggle with feeling at home.  Home is many places and no place at the same time.  So many days I long to be in Guatemala only to arrive and remember this isn't the home I long for or remember that my home was there then, but now home is somewhere else.  My heart misses something I cannot seem to grasp. It misses it so much more as I recall the pain that Guatemala is in as it is reeling from past hurts and crumbling from current violence because of drug trafficking.

This has been brought to light even more since last weekend "This America Life" produced a story on it.

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/465/what-happened-at-dos-erres

Cancion/song

The link above is a song that reminds me of Guatemala, a love of mine.   

Café Tacuba - Como Te Extraño Mi Amor/How I miss you my love

Como te extraño mi amor porque será /
me falta todo en la vida si no estas
Como te extraño mi amor que puedo hacer
te extraño tanto que voy a enloquecer

A veces pienso que tu nunca vendrás
pero te quiero y te tengo que esperar
es el destino me lleva hasta el final
donde algún día mi amor te encontrará

Ay amor divino
pronto tienes que volver

Brother Lawrence

Brother Lawrence, a monk is best known for his ideas of practicing the presence of God.  He wrote about finding God in simple acts, like washing the dishes.  This morning I was woken up by a friend who does my lawn.  I realized I hadn't pick-up my dogs droppings that week so I went out, still groggy and waved to Grady who was just as groggy and got to work.  As I did so, I felt God come.  I was struck by the realization that my life is very good not because anything I have done but because of the community that God has built around me.  In this brother Lawrence moment I was reminded that happiness/joy is pouring out into this world what you want the most.  As of late I have been caught once again in having a list of things to do or obtain to make me happy.  Needless to say I have failed.  In failing I was brought back into the reality that joy and peace are gifts of God to give unto others. 

After cleaning I began my morning routine. Looking into the mirror I found myself looking examining myself not in my usual destructive way but this time there was something I hadn't seen before.  It was beauty.  However, not physical beauty but I can only describe it as God-given beauty this glow of joy. I've never seen before and can only hope to see again.  I think it was a gift from the Holy Spirit to me today as I continue in another phase of my life(birthday).  I am not alone and I am loved.