I'm glad other people can say it better

I was perusing "The Poetry of Pablo Neruda" and came across one that I felt expressed how I sometimes feel. So I share with you (especially to you Alli)

We are Many

Of the many men who I am, who we are,
I can't find a single one;
they disappear among my clothes
they've left for another city

When everything seems to be set
to show me off as intelligent
the fool I always keep hidden
takes over all that I say.

At other times, I'm asleep
among distinguished people,
and when I look for my brave self,
a coward unknown to me
rushes to cover my skeleton
with a thousand fine excuses

When a decent house catches fire,
instead of the fireman I summon,
an arsonist bursts on the scene,
and that's me. What can I do?
What can I do to distinguish myself?
How can I pull myself together?
All the books I read
are full of dazzling heroes,
always sure of themselves.
I die with envy for them;
and in films full of wind and bullets,
I goggle at the cowboys,
I even admire the horses.

But when I call for a hero,
out comes my lazy old self;
so I never know who I am,
nor how many I am or will be.
I'd love to be able to touch a bell
and summon the real me,
because if I really need myself,
I mustn't disappear.

While I am writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone.
I would like to know if others
go through the same things that I do,
have as many selves as I have,
and see themselves similarly;
and when I've exhausted this problem,
I'm going to study so hard
that when I explan myself,
I'll be taking geography

(Thanks Neruda for saying better than I would)

Valentine Quest part 3 Roses

So I couldn't decifer the last part and so I called Brendan after realize there is another part to my quest. After a few helpful hints (he told me what it said) I ran to the NNU prayer chapel and looked for "hidden roses in a bush". They are beautiful RED roses and with them an even more beautiful note. :)

Valentine quest part 3 the book cipher

So I went to lunch and tried my darnest to decipher the next part and it has proved to be quiet hard but fun! Its looking pretty good but alas I must return to work. But I go back happy and with a tummy full of baked potato soup and turkey holiday from Robins nest! :)

Valentine Quest part 2 library findings

So during lunch I merrily marched to the library to look for the "Sonnets from the Portuguese"" and in there I found a gift certificate to my favortie restaurant and a cd with some very cool things incuding Ted talks, W. Brueggemann, comedy and other fun stuff. Thanks Brendan you always make me smile! I'm going to lunch now.

Valentine's Quest

My wonderful friend Brendan has created a wonderful Valentines quest.
First part of my Valentine Quest was a puzzle that I solved and now has sent me to NNU library to look up a "sonnets from the portguese" by Elizabeth Browning. More updates to come as the day progresses! Oh did I mention I've been listening to a sappy love play list complete with Vicente Fernandez, Damien Rice, Plain White T's, Louis Armstrong, Nancy Sinatra and much much more. :) So much fun!
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Super Bowl memory

Last week was Super Bowl Sunday -one of our greatest athletic traditions where die hard fans, sports lovers and even people who could care less gather together and spend time eating, cheering and laughing.

There are so many reasons why I love big game day.  This Super Bowl Sunday I remembered another reason I love this day.  My 6^th grade year, I had started going to a very little Nazarene church in Burbank California. The church had been doing a fundraiser where you could gift Bibles to other people. 

 On Super Bowl Sunday my Sunday School teachers and I were talking about the big game; where we’d spend it, who we were rooting for and so on.  While we were talking the assistant pastor, a very tall, intimidating man, walked into my Sunday School room with a Bible in hand.  He walked straight up to me, grabbed the attention of everyone in the room and said; “Emely De Leon today, February 3^rd, 1997 I present to you your Bible”.  Inside was my name and the date in very nice blue writing.  I remember my face turning a little red and quietly saying thank you, all the while feeling very embarrassed that he made such a big deal about it by singling me out, like some children do when they are singled out.

So this week as I was driving to church I was remembering why Super Bowl Sunday is so special to me.  I thought of how grateful I was that Pastor had made a big deal about me and my new Bible.  I imagined how often God makes a big deal about us when we choose to Love.  As I coach, teach and lead kids my goal is to make a big deal about every child because they are a big deal especially to God! I’m very grateful for the people who have cheered me on in Christ all these years. While I was embarrassed at the time now I look back and am encouraged all over again to live for Christ and build His Kingdom.

Yellow!

Note: This is from one of my many journals that I randomly write in. I recently discovered as I'm moving from being a piler of my crap, to a filer of my crap. I believe the entry was from new years a couple of years ago.

There is a tradition in Latin America that on New Years Eve is good luck to wear a new pair of underwear.  Last year I asked my mother to buy me new underwear for the new year.

"What color?" she asks. Now this isn't a strange questions because the color represents what part of your life you'll have good luck in..  Red = love White= harmony and peace, yellow= money, blue= health. 
So despite the last year of hurt and unluckiness in love I hesitated in telling my mother. This is the woman who's response to me telling her that my boy friend dumped me was; "Good riddance." The truth was all I wanted was  beautiful brand new pair of red panties to ring in the New Year. 

So instead I respond nonchalantly "Whatever color you think."

So what color does she get me ...


Yellow!

The color that will bring in for the new year money and prosperity. That is what she wishes for me. My mother who's personal philosophy was "stick to your man" despite years of abuse and betrayal.  The last person I'd label a feminist. Or look to for an example to take as a strong woman.

How wrong am I! As I look back I think. YELLOW! Prosperity, self assurance. My mother is one of  my biggest advocates. With that pair of yellow panties she lifts up a prayer for me.  That I may be fueled to prosper.  While yes, my mother may not be good with words. I try to remember YELLOW!

fears

Fears:

I will not be able to pay my bills and be a failed adult.

No one will remember me at least 10 years after I die.

I wonder how much of my life is propelled by my fears. Do I work and I love because of my 2 biggest fears?