Here is to finding some inner peace this Christmas

As a child I was very boisterous and happy.

Happy for the most part except when there was an injustice committed against me. Then everybody knew it! I screamed and yelled when I wasn't given the best treatment or given the attention and love that deserved. Immediately, my heart filled with resentment and anger. I'd run to my room or anywhere I can find solace and I'd wail, wail and wail! "No one loves me!, No one understands me! I want to die!" The pain I felt was very real. The gut wrenching, earth shattering pain some just brushed off as a tantrum was for me the very expression of how I felt inside for the most part everyday. I had found an moment in which I thought it appropriate to express it. In my heart lingered feelings of resentment for those who had hurt me, those who weren't there when I needed them, those who were unable to love me like they should.

Anger and pain and resentment fill my heart. So I wail, wail and wail because "No one understands, no one cares! No one! I want to die!"

I recently have come to understand that in a broken world that is how we should always feel. No one understands, no one cares and all we have is to wait to shrivel up and die.  That is all we have.

All my anger and resentment comes from thinking that people should care, people should understand and we should all feel enough love from others that life is still worth living but that is not the state the world is in. It is also not the state the world was created in.

So one night after being rejected by his religious family left to stay with animals and other outcasts a Savior was born. A son who was sent to teach us; how to understand, how to care and how to LIVE.

Getting to know Max

In first grade we had a class pet. His name was Max. Max was a python. I vividly remembered sitting in a circle while our first grade teacher got Max out and we all got to hold him. Max taught me not to fear snakes. Fearing the unknown is something that is naturally built into us. It is how we survive.  But I knew Max and Max no longer was the unknown.
  "Remember that pet snake your teacher used to have?" My mom remembered the other day.  I had forgotten about Max. I must of have talked to her ear off about Max that year, she knew he was a big deal to me and the lesson that Max had taught me. 
 Today there is a lot of unknowns in my life.  They say its just a season but I still am wanting to know...                      What will I do?             How will I earn a living?       How will I stabilize my life?                Who will I influence?
 The uknowns and the question marks are sometimes suspend me into doing nothing.  I know however that I must take the steps, still in a circle and to get to know Max once again.

This blog will be my insights, memories and adventures of getting to know Max.